I can never get over you

Okay.... so I tried... but that's as far as I got. A try. We even said goodbye, but the next day saw us back together again. I have my questions and he knows that. This might be just merely delaying the inevitable, but what the hell. This, right now, what I feel makes me happy. Maybe I'm being naive by wanting to let myself indulge in it for a little while longer.

Love has that strange effect on people. I want to hold on to every moment with him... Im afraid that those moments might soon come to an end.

Loving someone sooo much is one of the greatest feelings i've experienced and its also one of the most complicated.

Hold me again

The scent of you still lingers on my pillow
Your love bites still stain my neck.
I made a choice to walk away this time.
To break my own heart instead.
My eyes are blinded by the tears I cry
My heart is begging for one more day with you.
We both knew this was inevitable
A seperation we cannot fight.
You belong to another,
Needless to say you can never be mine.
A beautiful fantasy... just like a dream.
Just like a dream you've passed me by.
Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my freind.
You'll always share my heart.
Find your way to me my love
Someday I hope you will.

Why bother at all?

Why do I bother to ask at all? If all it results is me being dissapointed in the end...

Teardrop

One big tear-drop following another.
Splash... splash... against the keys.
Blurry eyes what do you see?
Words, meaningless... deeper than the ocean.

One big tear-drop follows another.
Vacant eyes, glancing at the door.
Dewy eyelashes and silent sighs,
Stormier than a stormy ocean.

Another big tear-drop followed the other.
Splash... splash... against the keys. Wipe those eyes little sister.
Too many tear-drops have filled this ocean.

D.R.A.M.A.

Oh. My. Gosh! Yesterday was one hell of a day. Horrible to the max.

What the hell am i doing? I mean really! What the fucking hell am i doing??? Who am i kiddin...? Everyone knows i'm the ultimate LOSER here. So what the hell am i doing?

I feel so.. alone right now. Alone. More alone than i've felt in the longest time.

Everybody's running to save thier way of life... That's alright. Just trample me in the process. Just walk right thru my heart. Just throw it around... I mean what the hell right. If your going to hurt me, just go ahead and do a thorough job of it.

Why am I holding on huh? Why? Why why??
I don't know.
Why lord.. why was i born? Why couldn't i have just died at birth or something... or never been born at all. Everybody's life would have been so much easier.

Noone would ever have had a chance to hurt me. Noone.

Why does love hurt?

It hurts. Why? I ask myself that question over and over agian. Why does 'LOVE' hurt...?

Why is it that sometimes i feel as if i cant breathe? Why is it that sometimes i miss you with such an ache in my heart, in my body, that i cant stop myself from crying. It's like there's this physical ache in my chest, and i cant fix it. Like right now.

What i would give for a simple touch right now. Just to touch you.

Why does love hurt? Why can't love be a happy feeling all the time? Why cant loving a person be easy? Simple? Uncomplicated?

Memories. I've said this once and i ll say it again. Memories, are humans way of torturing themselves by recalling the past. Like an 'on-demand' form of free self torture.
It just hurts.

The Secret...

Have you watched the tv series 'The secret memoires of a call girl'? It's a very happening, kinda sad, sometimes funny series.

I wish they made a series called 'The secret memoires of a Mistress'. Wouldn't that be intersting too... I mean a mistresses life is pretty much a secret. You can be in love with the person or not. But at the end of the day... it's all a big cover-up. Secret meetings, secret messages, secret phone calls, secret everything. I guess you can't expect anything but 'secrecy' in such a situation. Unless of course you want to get into a whole heap of trouble. Hahhaahahaha.. noooot.

How long can a person be someone's 'mistress'? Is it until she's 30 years? 45? What happenes to her when sex is not really the best pastime she can offer (that applies to both parties)? What happenes when 'love' is all that remains...? Is that enough? Or would the man just up and leave for good, back to his wife, to pass time in his old age? And all she has remaining are memories; and a youth long past. No one to call her own, no familly except maybe her parents (if they are still living) and her siblings...

Jeez... what a depressing picture. But that's reallity nontheless.

I think i'm feeling way toooo depressed for a saturday morning. And waaaaay to freaked out right now.

Again

And he's gone out of town again! I know it's a personal thing and that it being the new year it's unavoidable, but so soon. Why sooooo soon? He just got back from his previous trip.

So unfair that i'm the one who's stuck here missing him. Im not blaming him... it's just one of those moments where you just think 'you gotta be fucking kidding me...!!'

We spent a perfect hour together the night before... sigh... but times flies when im with him. Left me all boneless and relaxed... but then i never get enough.

Come back soon babes. Im missing you.

Understanding...

Sometimes, it's necessary to be understanding. It's necessary to give people space. Loosen the bounderies and set them free. And eventually... not give a damn whether they come back or not.

Can I have atleast one day without complications?

Oh my gosh!!! So I fell asleep and missed his calls and had not replied to his texts. It was not intentional. Does he have to get so mad at me for that? I didn't even ignore him on purpose!

I'm starting to get angry now. If im at fault here, yes then his being upset with me i agree. But this is not fair.

My Sunset

Sometimes I catch a glimpse of a man, so troubled yet hiding it so well.
I see a man whose heart has been betrayed.
A troubled past, a complicated life, two sides of the same coin.
This man that I see, he is the one that I love
A love I will not deny.
His pain and his sadness, yes I feel it.
I ache for him.
To wrap my arms around him.
To comfort him.
I've watched him sleep before, I've held him close.
He deserves to be loved.
He may not have the purest past but does it matter?
Noone cared before, no one gave a damn.
They took from him- he just repayed them the favour.
No more.
He is Mine.
Mine to love.
His soul belongs to Me.
Mine to guide, mine to protect.
His heart beats for me, just as mine beats for him.
Sometimes, dreams seem futile.
Hope seems spare.
Being apart is a slow torture
Sweetened by stolen moments and secret kisses.
I am happy being with him.
No matter what it may cost me.
No matter what I may give up along the way.
He can always find his haven, right here in my arms.
I made that promise.
I will keep it.

Speechless

I rarely am speechless... usually when I get started, shutting me up is kinda hard...

Ah.. but tonight... tonight I'm speechless.

The thing I love most about you...

Do you know what I love most about you? You make me laugh. Your jokes, you crazy antics... even how you kept trying to joke around for April's fool day, but well, nobody fell for it. You are so full of vitality. It surrounds you and when im with you, it surrounds me.

How you toot the car horn playfully, just because i imitate the sound it makes, how you drive like a maniac... but still look extremely sexy doing it.... so many little things that i love about you.

And how you boss me around sometimes: and strangely it never irritates me. In fact I like it. I like it when you take control. I absolutely love it when you get possesive. Oh and when you're jealous... well that's just the icing on the cake!

You know, there are many times i ask myself 'Why? Why you?'. But it's wierd because, as much as you piss me off at times... you do love me a 100 times more. And i do know that.

I may have denied you a few kisses in the past, but you know very well that i'd never deny you entry to my heart.

You're a crazy boy and i'm a pretty psycho girl.

What can i say..... 'Omagaaaach! No way!!'

!!!

I mean seriously... what's the bloody point?