Why... Do I love Him?

I love him. I love him. I love him. I love him. I love him. I love him.



Where does the love end...? How can things ever be over between us? When sometimes it feels like it's hardly begun.

But i have changed... somewhere in the last week.. I've learnt how to deal with certain things. Gone are the times i would ask him 'what he's been up to? Where s he been?' etc.. I mean, i still wonder about those things... but i don't ask him anymore and i try to push those thoughts out of my mind. I think it has something to do with the fact that, I really believe it s none of my effing business. If he wants to tell me I'd be more than happy to know.. but if he doesn't tell me.. well then.. that s that. I keep myself occupied and let him do his thing... and i don't ask him what he's been up to. If for some reason he hurts my feelings or  upsets me... i don't let him know. I say nothing. I put my famous smile.. the smile that hides every feeling in my heart... and pretend that everything is okay. And before all, everything is okay.

Do i love him any less...? No.

But something someone said stuck in my mind. He's not mine. What right do I have to question what he does, when he doesn't belong to me... I tell him everything i do.. because that's just the way I am. I'm transparent and clear as water.  Bu he is not me. And I have accepted him the way he is.

Maybe I'm being stupid again. Maybe I'm being naive and crazy. I don't know. All I know is... I don't want anyone else. I may admire them form a distance... But there isn't anyone who can make me feel alive as much as Coo does. 

I wish I understood things better.. I wish... I wish... So many things.