Has the curtain fallen??

So i spoke to him and we came to the decision that we would just be freinds. OMG... he was so sad... Sometimes i feel so confused. Sometimes i wonder if he does really love me? or is it all a pretense? Friends who know him tell me, If he can lie so well and cover his tracks to the woman he married, what make you think he would think twice about lying to you...? And they do have a point. But then there s a part of me that feels he does care. He does love me. Or is that just me being naive...?

I know he can change things, change the circumstances we're in if he wants. True, it wont be easy, but he can. He just wont. He has his excuses because he's afarid to take that action. He's afriad. He may love me. BUT, He doesn't love me ENOUGH. Not enough to make him want to be with me. It's sad.

All i can say is... I'll trust in God's plan for my life. Cos i don't understand what the hell is going on and where the heck my life is leading to.

His a silly boy, Stupid, silly boy. He's letting go of ME. I know there is NOONE like me. Noone who would understand him or love him the way i do. Of course i would never put up with any shit nonsense from him. I'd kick his ass to the curb. But i love him.

Even tho we are apart now... sometimes it still feels like he's in my life. When i see him, my heart still skips a beat. When i'm angry with him, and he just talks to me.. he can make my anger just dissapear and he calms me down. Noone has ever had that effect on me. But he does. And i know my anger is a force to be recconed with. LOL.

After all the emotoinal drama, after all the times he's left me waiting for him.. how is it still possible tat he's the first things on my mind when i wake up, and the last thing on my mind when i go to sleep...?

Will he ever pick me...? Will he ever choose me? Will he ever love me enough to be with just me?