What now?

He came back. I went back. Whichever way you look at it.

Now i'm wondering if i was better off when he was not there. Sure i missed him like crazy. But I had forgotten all the other feelings. I had fogotten the jealousy i felt when he was around other women, I had forgotten how insecure i felt when he was not with me, I had forgotten those feelings of mistrust. I hate all these feelings. I hate the fact that he takes forever to reply to a msg, if it's a msg he doesnt like, or doesnt want to answer to.

I hate so many feelings that he brings out in me.. . Is it worth it..?

All those good times and feelings.. are they worth the constatnt bad feelings?? Moments like that when i'm with him im the happiest i can be?  While we are sleeping he reaches out to me and just hugs me close..? That he makes me laugh..? He says he is lost. But I think im more lost than he is.

I broke the trust he had in me... and now even tho he's back in my life, it feels different. It feels like he's distancing himself from me. And the only time i have all his attention, the only time he lets down his gaurd, and the only time i can get close to him is when we're together, which is rare. Which is what drives me most crazy.

I feel i should have just stayed away. True, being without him was driving me crazy. But I know, i would have moved on. True, i was going a bit wild, but i would have calmed down.

Now im back in that fucking emotional place, where trust and patience is overrated and hard to come by.

I love him. I know he loves me still too. I feel it everytime he touches me, or pulls me close to him. I feel it in every kiss. In the way he rests his head on my chest and hugs me close... I know he loves me. No-one can pretend that good or bother to go to that much trouble to pretend.

If only he'd reply to his fuckin msgs, if only he'd make more time for me. I would be just happy. That's all i ever asked from him ( everytime we fought) and that's all he doesnt give me.

Coobaby you drive me crazy in more ways than one. Argh!!