Do you think I love you so little?

What can i say...? There's nothing i can say that will make me feel less hurt. It may be a silly thing. It propably is....

I should love you less. I should care about you less. I should worry about you less. Because you seem to think that's how little i love you.

Yes. the pocket of you trouser accidently tore. Yes. i wanted to sew it for you. So what if it was dirty. So what if it was your day old trouser. It's yours! What makes you think i would be irked by it???
Are you irked by my dirty clothes? Are you?? If you saw my dirty clothes lying around, would you feel yucky to pick them up?? Cos if you are hun.. you better find another girl.

There's so little i can do for you to show how much i love you. And you deny me this.
Thanks for that.

Stop Thinking!!!!

Its 11.42pm and i cant sleep. I feel like there's a treadmill in my mind.... and it keeps turning and turning and turning!!!

What the fuck do i get myself into huh?? I'm soooooo tired. Soooo tired.

If something is broken... i wish i knew what it was... so i could fix it, remove it or replace it. I wish i knew. I wish i knew!!!!!!

I used to think, maybe if i had met you 5 yrs ago things would have been different. Bulshit!!! It would have been no different. You still would have been with another woman.
How the fuck did this happen? How did you and me happen? And why? Whats the point?? Whats the fucking point??

What am i???? Everybody's 'feel good' potion....? Everybody's 'temporary fix'????? What the hell is up with this??? I mean c'mon!!!! For once.. for once... can't i have something that i like in return. For once!

Arghh! I just feel like banging my head against a wall. I'm soooooo fucking tired!!!!!!
What's the fucking point?? Whats the point in all the tears i shed? What's the point in all my love??? What? What?

I've accepted soooo much. Dealt with sooo much. I've emotionally overcome sooo many problems. For what???

Remind me again.. for what purpose? For what goal? For what dream? For what?

Sometimes I feel I want to just leave everything. Leave my job, Leave this country... Leave everyone i know... and start afresh. Wish i could do that. But i can't. I can't simply run away from my choices. I have to deal with my decisions. Face the music. Do the dance.

B'day Surprises!!

OMG... I'm finally finding the time to write this. I've been so busy at work. So busy.

Anyways, I celebrated my b'day recently. I mean, for the 1st time really really felt fulfilled on my b'day. It was like every dream i had had, every wish... he made come true. A place i always wanted to visit, candles, romance so many sweet things planned and even jewellery(lol). Most of all... more than anything... he gifted me with himself for a full 24 perfect hours. Just him and me.

It was just sooo beautiful. sooo perfect. For the 1st time in my life... someone managed to do exactly what i secretly desired. And i never even mentioned a single thing to him. Not a thing. Cos i never expect anything from anyone for fear of dissapointment.

How is it possible, to love one person so much. To love them with everything you got...? Even tho he belongs somewher else, i know his heart belongs to me.

5 yrs baby! If only you had waited 5 yrs. :)

That's life i guess... in time you learn many things... in time you learn to appreciate other things more... and time makes one wiser.

At times my heart aches. Simply because your not with me. It's hard. Oh boy is it hard being away from you, even for a day. And even friends can't bridge that gap. When i miss you, all i want is you. Nothing or no-one can make me feel any better.

Baby you know that loving you is heaven, missing you is a different kind of special hell.