Dreams

Dreams you dream
Rarely come real
Moments you hope
Barely materialise.
People you love
Seemingly leave
Wishes on stars
Broken dreams will leave.

Dreams you dream
Rarely come real

Happiness

When everything is right with us I'm happy. I'm happy with the world. Everything's ok. I can bear any burden and face any problem cos I know that I've got you. And you mean the world to me and in you I can find my happiness.

But if i am sad. It's because something between us has made me so. If I miss you and you don't miss me back it makes me sad. If I put up a status for you and you don't even like it; that makes me sad.  Because it's for you. Because you are that important to me. I am not perfect.  Far far from it. But my world is a gloomy depressing place if my happiness in you is gone.

It's a scary feeling. To care for someone that much.  To feel that much. To have your happiness depend on them that much. It's a scary feeling to not know if they even feel the same way....

I'm sorry. I am who I am. What ever I feel I feel with an intensity I cannot lessen. If only, for a moment you could understand... If only you could...

It is how it is

The problem with me is that I will forgive. I will forgive you even when you forget me. I will forgive you even when you hurt me. And i will still forgive you even if you leave.

Why?

Simply because it is who I am and for what I feel. Simply because the heart is a traitor to the mind and she knows no other way.

It is not easy being me. It is so hard to pretend to be normal when everything was so broken before.

So remember... I will forgive you. But it costs me so much more than you'll know. So just...  Don't forget me. Don't change.

Hope for More

She ponders on life and the feeling of hope.
Sometimes hope is a scary thing.
Hope that can bring happiness
Or hope that can break your heart.
Sometimes, she even feels it.
She feels it bloom in her ♥ swelling it with happiness.
Could she really have hope?
Could this be real?

But hope, hope is such a scary emotion.
It represents all that can go wrong and
All that can break your heart and hurt you.
And she covers up that hope.
No.  Hurt is not something she wants to feel with him. 
And hope brings with it the risk of hurt.
How can one ever be sure...
How can she?
Mashed hearts are hard to fix they say.
Maybe hope can help.
Maybe.

You don't have to wonder if someone loves You

Burning it

Time to let the past go.  Today's one of those days where I'm taking the final step to burning that bridge once and for all.
Goodbye to 4-yrs worth of cards and notes.

Moving on... New beginnings... New Year

It's been almost one year since I last blogged. What a crazy couple of months it has been! If memory serves me- and lately that too has been sketchy at best, it's definitely been a wild wild ride!

I last said that I didn't want to write this blog anymore. I believe I misspoke. What ended was one relationship - not my life. So I suppose the blog shall continue; though intermittently. :)

The last year has seen so many changes in my life. I became close to a friend (with benefits) which resulted in me 'almost' falling for the guy. Luckily, smart girl that I am, I distracted myself with all the other people passing through my life.

August 2014 found me meeting a crazy guy who I developed the maddest crush on. Perfect distraction I needed. With him came a full package. Partying, raves, late nights, crazy friends and other unmentionables such as alcohol etc. That was probably the craziest time of my life! Probably also the most destructive financially. Let's just say it was chaos from the get-go. Fun, drunken, happy.... and at moments manic chaos. Thankfully, shit hit the fan, I saw the sun - whatever you call it... I woke up: and broke up.

Mid January 2015 brought to the stage a newly single woman. Slightly heartbroken, extremely poor and still looking for love. My naivety sometimes scares the crap out of me. It's like I never learn! In all this time I had still kept in touch with that friend (with benefits - of course he didn't get any benefits while I was dating Mr Psycho). And I do not know why, or how, or what patience kept him waiting for me. Sometimes I still wonder... What it is he saw in me to wait for me for 4 months until I was single again.

And Now, well I'm happy again. I don't know what the future holds. I'm still wary of trusting anyone. But oh how I love spending time with this guy. He's so calm and polite and everything nice... and naughty. He knows me for who I am. He know's the mistakes I've made and possibly has a vague idea of mistakes i'm likely to make. Ok- so we are not officially dating, but i know he loves spending time with me. Plus I really really really really really like him. Like ALOT. 'Nuf said.

Let's see where the next few months take me. Hopefully, somewhere good.