Burning it

Time to let the past go.  Today's one of those days where I'm taking the final step to burning that bridge once and for all.
Goodbye to 4-yrs worth of cards and notes.

Moving on... New beginnings... New Year

It's been almost one year since I last blogged. What a crazy couple of months it has been! If memory serves me- and lately that too has been sketchy at best, it's definitely been a wild wild ride!

I last said that I didn't want to write this blog anymore. I believe I misspoke. What ended was one relationship - not my life. So I suppose the blog shall continue; though intermittently. :)

The last year has seen so many changes in my life. I became close to a friend (with benefits) which resulted in me 'almost' falling for the guy. Luckily, smart girl that I am, I distracted myself with all the other people passing through my life.

August 2014 found me meeting a crazy guy who I developed the maddest crush on. Perfect distraction I needed. With him came a full package. Partying, raves, late nights, crazy friends and other unmentionables such as alcohol etc. That was probably the craziest time of my life! Probably also the most destructive financially. Let's just say it was chaos from the get-go. Fun, drunken, happy.... and at moments manic chaos. Thankfully, shit hit the fan, I saw the sun - whatever you call it... I woke up: and broke up.

Mid January 2015 brought to the stage a newly single woman. Slightly heartbroken, extremely poor and still looking for love. My naivety sometimes scares the crap out of me. It's like I never learn! In all this time I had still kept in touch with that friend (with benefits - of course he didn't get any benefits while I was dating Mr Psycho). And I do not know why, or how, or what patience kept him waiting for me. Sometimes I still wonder... What it is he saw in me to wait for me for 4 months until I was single again.

And Now, well I'm happy again. I don't know what the future holds. I'm still wary of trusting anyone. But oh how I love spending time with this guy. He's so calm and polite and everything nice... and naughty. He knows me for who I am. He know's the mistakes I've made and possibly has a vague idea of mistakes i'm likely to make. Ok- so we are not officially dating, but i know he loves spending time with me. Plus I really really really really really like him. Like ALOT. 'Nuf said.

Let's see where the next few months take me. Hopefully, somewhere good.

Afraid

My heart aches
It feels like love.
I can't deal
Missing you this much.
I'm so afraid
Will it end up like before?
Will I have loved you too much?
Will you just walk out of that door?
I can't bear it, I don't want to face it.
In denial I'll not acknowledge
But until I see your face again,
Until I see your smile,
Until I hear your voice call me your pumpkin... 
I'll be afraid;
Each day that passes is a day lost without you.