People always leave you know that. They do. It's been a while. I've been here, maybe waiting for things to change. But really, nothing really does. I don't know why I'm even alive. I find no joy when I'm living. Just getting thru one day at a time. Even with another person, I feel I just bring sadness. No joy. He hasn't even asked me to marry him . Says a lot u know. He s not sure. Neither Am I I guess . I wonder why I'm alive. Living.
Monday, November 14, 2016
Wednesday, March 16, 2016
Sometimes, I still feel confused....
There are good days, and then there are bad days. Today, is a 'not so good' day.
I try so hard to keep a happy outlook. But sometimes, it gets pretty tough.
Sometimes, I find it hard to be happy. I find it hard to be appreciative of all the blessing in my life.
I think of all the things I wish I had; like a husband, kids, home- even something as random as owning a fridge! It's a feeling of something missing in my life.
If only it was possible to just go out there and get what I need; but I can't just do that can I? I can't just forget I have a boyfriend, forget all those promises... I should have some patience! Patience!
I feel as if I'm suffocating at times. Sometimes I feel like I'm flying. Then at other times, like I want to sob my heart out. I feel as if some people expect me to be a certain way. Why can't they accept me the way I am? So what if I have a tummy? Does that make me a bad person? No! I know I am not outrageously beautiful. Yet people are so judgmental. Even my boyfriend at times, expects me to be someone I am not.
I am not sophisticated.
I am not rich.
And I do not have a toned stomach and 4-pack abs!
I am, quite simply, me.
Yet it feels like that's just not good enough.
I like to think that I'm receptive to advise and if someone says do some exercises to get fit, I will do so. But I don't like feeling like someone says that cos they are ashamed to see me flash my chubby tummy when I wear a crop top.
I have grown so much in the last couple of years. For a fact I feel the change. I wish people would appreciate that for a change.
It's moments like these that make me question the choices I've made.
I try so hard to keep a happy outlook. But sometimes, it gets pretty tough.
Sometimes, I find it hard to be happy. I find it hard to be appreciative of all the blessing in my life.
I think of all the things I wish I had; like a husband, kids, home- even something as random as owning a fridge! It's a feeling of something missing in my life.
If only it was possible to just go out there and get what I need; but I can't just do that can I? I can't just forget I have a boyfriend, forget all those promises... I should have some patience! Patience!
I feel as if I'm suffocating at times. Sometimes I feel like I'm flying. Then at other times, like I want to sob my heart out. I feel as if some people expect me to be a certain way. Why can't they accept me the way I am? So what if I have a tummy? Does that make me a bad person? No! I know I am not outrageously beautiful. Yet people are so judgmental. Even my boyfriend at times, expects me to be someone I am not.
I am not sophisticated.
I am not rich.
And I do not have a toned stomach and 4-pack abs!
I am, quite simply, me.
Yet it feels like that's just not good enough.
I like to think that I'm receptive to advise and if someone says do some exercises to get fit, I will do so. But I don't like feeling like someone says that cos they are ashamed to see me flash my chubby tummy when I wear a crop top.
I have grown so much in the last couple of years. For a fact I feel the change. I wish people would appreciate that for a change.
It's moments like these that make me question the choices I've made.
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