Situations

Sometimes life is just one big W.T.F. situation.

Dreams

Show me a dream

Make me drown.

The pain inside me

Keep burning, aching.

Grip my hips

Throw me forward

Free me.

Fighting to breathe

But I can't.

Bruised lips

Possessive.

Keep moving...

Sometimes even though you may miss someone like crazy, you realise that you just got to keep moving. You just have to let them go. Especially if you know that they will never change. They will never put you first in their busy complicated life.

That's what I'm feeling right now. That feeling where, yes, I miss you so damn much. But no. I can't just forget the dozens of times you've said 'no' to me. Be it even the littlest request. See, how upset you got when I said 'no' to going out in the night. I didn't even say 'no'. I said 'Maybe'. Just imagine how I feel each time I ask you something: a small favor, a lift to somewhere, to go out somewhere... and you seem to say 'no i'm sorry I can't'... just imagine how crappy that makes me feel.
I ask you because you're my 1st choice. If I can't ask you, then who should I ask? It's not like I have a full time boyfriend right?

So yeah... like an old re-run.

Hello Loneliness, my dear old friend... you're never really far away are you... You're the constant in my life.

Give it Up...

I wish I could
Ctrl - A - Del
You

I wish I could
Esc
My life

I wish I could
PgUp - Del
The tears and lies

I wish I could
Prt Sc
The happy times

You brought the
CapsLock
To our conversations

Why did you make me want to
Log Off
this relationship

Ctrl - Alt - Del --> Switch User.

Evanescence - My Heart Is Broken

Better?

Things are changing for the better I hope.
Yes.
Things will get better.
A new job
A new life
New friends.
New chances.

Finally.
It's my turn...

Dawn...

Sometimes I wake up and lie in bed just as dawn is breaking... I think of You. I think of my feelings for you, and I cannot believe I've been with you for so long. I can't believe life has flown past us like a Eagle soaring high and fast in the sky.
You started out as a fantasy, a conquest and now - now you are almost a part of my soul. Like the warmth in my blood that warms my heart.
I know we have tried, maybe unsuccessfully to end this story of ours. Broken our hearts a hundred times over just trying to stay apart. All for the sake of propriety and the choices we've made in the past.
Sometimes my need for your love, for your time, for your attention is like an ache deep in my heart. A physical ache, a pounding chugging heavy heartbeat that even makes it  hard for me to breathe.
And I hurt. I hurt so much inside.
For every 1 hour of ultimate joy with you I pay-up with 24 hours of pain from my heart.
Yet it beats. It beats till I see you again.
Sometimes I wonder if all sense has left my mind... If all sense of whats right and wrong, black or white, true or false has faded in to a grey misty blur.
Like an obsession. An obsession with flesh and blood.

Dawn turns in to the light of day, bringing with it the realities of my life. And the fact that I begin another day - Alone.
Another day waiting, hoping and wishing with all my heart that maybe today I would spend a few precious minutes with you. Maybe today, if not today then maybe tomorrow...

What love can do to a heart is wondrous. It is amazing. It can make you feel like you're invincible. Like there's nothing on earth that could hurt you or make you sad... and then the next moment it can crush you. Drown you in sorrow so deep you can't breathe. You forget how to, you don't want to.
Love makes you feel like you've been twirling around and round like a child, and then let loose the world spins around you. Dizzy and unbalanced you will fall down. Unless you find that solid thing to hold on to. Until you feel like your world is back in focus.

Sometimes I feel like that child. Twirling in circles... maddened with love and lust and everything Him. And them I'm falling so fast and I know there's no one to catch me when I fall.

Love!

Borne like the dawn and broken by night. How I wish you lasted forever...