Yay!!

Today, I've had, pretty mucn the bestest day i've had in a very very very long time. I spent today watchin a movie with my best pal, then went fot lunch, went with her hubby-to-be to see a photography exibition, then for coffee.. had such a good day for once. Thanks God for good friends. :)

Oh Oh...! And i saw this good-looking guy.. ;) And for once, something i thought would never happen happened. I felt a connection! Yes..!! I know i couldn't believe my ... feelings..!! :D I mean he was cute.. and had this cuteee smile.. lol... I was like... "ohhhhhhh I likessss!!!' hehehehehehe...

What an awesome day!!!

Funny shit!!

All said and done... I still miss the bloody fool!

I still love him.

Arrghh.. get outta my head!! get outta my heart!!! Why do i love you when u dont love me...? Whyyyyyyy....?

Arsehole!!

Okay.. so i kissed a guy...! big fucking deal...! Is he bloody saint S****...? I hopes he goes and jumps in a well. Good riddance to bad rubbish!!!

Motherfucking arsehole...!!!! Arggggghhhh!!!!

I mean who the fuck does he think he is huh...? He gives Me silent treatment... Bloody big shot nah. Already forgotten the only girl who was there for him, who talked to him when he needed someone, who listened to his problems, who loved him and who dealt with shit.. for him...!! Thats what i get for being too fucking good to someone who never appreciated it.

Im not even sending him dramatic txts. Im not even calling him. Im not even putting dramatic fb status updates. But he cant reply to a simple IM wher i ask him to let me knw if he got his cap back...?? I mean wat is up wit that...? Geez... he's behaving like a immature baby...!!!! Get over it mann...!!
Screw you S****...!!!

My childhood prayer

When I was small and whenever I was scared... I would sing this small chorus to myself.

Jesus bids us shine,
with a clear pure light.
Like a candle burning, Burning in the night.
In this world of darkness, we might shine.
You in your small corner, and I in mine.

God always makes things right. He's always there for me. Always will be.

Re note to Self

You know what.. I think I feel better. Im getting better. Im strong. Just need to dig deep inside to find my strenth. Thank God.

I am right. I deserve better. And since the moment I believed it, I've been feeling so much more stronger. Sure I miss him. Sure he's on my mind all the fucking time. But the memory of him does not reduce me to tears anymore. Atleast i dont let myself be reduced to tears.

Any man who's fool enough to let me go.. is a totall dumass idiot. His loss.

Im young, im single, im hot. I don't have to run behind anyone. Never did, don't see why i should start now.

Take care Coobaby. You should know that I take shit from noone.

There comes a time when you just need to say goodbye and let go.

Note to Self

I deserve better! He has no right to punish me like this. Were we in a relationship hmmm? Isn't he the one who said that he has no right to hold me, that i can do what i want. Bloody hipocrit.

Does he think any of the other women who wanted to fuck him would give a damn about him... would they care about anything but the fact that he spends on them and shows them a good time.

Does he think he's being fucking faithful to me? He being married and all. Maybe now he might have some inclination of how much torture i go thru on a daily basis seeing him with someone else. No matter how platonic that relationship may be.

You know what Coo... I understand that ur trying to punish me. That's what ur doing. Well im not goin to let you punish me. True i made a mistake. But don't we all...? You're no saint either.

So im not gonna run behind you, or come crawling back for you to take me back. If you want me back and value me, then let me know. Otherwise just forget it! Forget 'Us'. Go back to ur life, and ur foriegn pals and ur player days.

I'm not going to let myself go through all this pain dammit! Bloody get off ur almighty high horse ur on! Or go screw urself.. since all the love i showed u means nothing to u!!

Im done.

Days that seem like years

What a painful 2 days it has been. I've been on auto-pilot. Just going thru the motions of my daily tasks. Im missing him with every breath i take. He's in every thought that crosses my mind.

I know that time will heal this wound of mine. I know that God will help me ease the pain. It's just sooo hard right now. I don't know what to do with myself. I feel so helpless and alone. Every memory of us together tortures me. All the songs on the radio, even the roads i travel on.. it all reminds me of him. I miss him so much.

This may sound all corny.. but I love him so much. And maybe he never really loved me.. I dont know. All i know is I gave my love freely, I gave it all. With no reservation. No holding back. I literaly bared my soul to him. And now he's gone.

Maybe it's for the best. I just wish... wish he would atleast talk to me. After all the love i gave... he's going to hold this mistake against me, and not even talk to me or look at me..? Why? How can he hate me so much..?