Close Friends

 All G. 

Close friends it is. 

That's what he said. 

It's decided. It's done. It's over; wait, it never began. Who am I kidding?

Hello's and Goodbyes

 I know what's good for me. I know what I need to be doing. Yet why is it always so difficult to do what needs to be done, even when it concerns the well-being of self?

I think letting go of the feeling of having someone want me is what truly scares me. I am trying to figure my thoughts out. I think what he says half the time is not really real, and doubt seeps into my mind. 

Don't come to visit. Don't make the subsequent goodbyes harder. Don't make me want what I should not have.

It is so true that some hellos are better said in passing. I should not have said hello. 

I really should not have said... Hello.

Love-her

Do married couples go through confused phases? Do they wonder where the sparks went? What doused the fire? The extinguished embers? 

Sitting here on a random Wednesday, I recall details of encounters, secret kisses, and touches that created fire. I am thinking of sweat, musk, sighs, and touches. Rumpled bed sheets and pillows askew, a lukewarm vodka coke sits forgotten on the bedside table. Possessive fingers roam free. Tongues taste sweat. And for a hot couple of hours, reality has been forgotten. 

A body remembers forgotten feelings and begins to crave the intimacy of another. Why did I not realise that fires, once ignited, are hard to put out? Just a little bit of oxygen is enough to fan those embers. 

We are such weak creatures. We have been humbled.